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MallratsEdit

Silent Bob: Adventure, excitement... a Jedi craves not these things. Quoting Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back


Jay: You take a run at LaFours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I pulled my back out humpin your mom last night, neuge.


TS: But they're engaged.
TS: Why Not? It's bound to come up.
Brodie:It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?
TS: Sure, why not?
Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.


Jay: I attack the structure Wolvie Berzerk style, and knock out the fuckin' pin and bickety bam, the motherfucker is rubble. Hence, no game show.
Brodie: Shall I call you 'Logan', Weapon X?


Brodie: Touch not, lest ye be touched. (Referring to his comic collection)


TS: It gets worse, I was gonna propose to her.
Brodie: Where?
TS: The Universal Tour.
Brodie: You're kidding, what part?
TS: When jaws pops out of the water.
Brodie: That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.


Fortune Teller: Free yur mind. . .
Brodie: I'd like to free somthing. . .
Fortune Teller: Fucus!
Brodie: Just what I was thinking.


Brodie: How's that for romantic? Passionate, yea. . .
Rene: I'd call that too little too late.
Brodie: Too little?!?!? You said it was a good size!
Rene: The effort, you moron, but now that you mention it, when a girl says, "it's a good size", it a fancy way of saying it's small.
Brodie:Hey!


Gwen: Didn't I look just like Burt Reynolds?
Brodie, TS: Except for the moustache.


Brodie: I'd make a sexy chick!


Rene: I've always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you told me to do a striptease to the theme of "Mighty Mouse", I said okay. On prom night at the hotel when you told me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I did it. And even during my grandmother's funeral when you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let that slide. But if you think I'm gonna suffer any of your *#$! with a smile now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious #$%^ing disappointment!


Brodie: I saw you kiss and it wasn't anything like that.
Gil: Who the hell did you see me kiss?
Brodie: Some dude backstage. I don't know who he was but he seemed unimpressed.
Gil: I didn't kiss any guy backstage. I swear. I'm not gay.
Brodie: Hey, Suitorette, this guys a homophobe. You heard how repulsed he sounded. Is this the kind of guy you want to spend a vacation with? This hate-monger?
Gil: I don't hate gay people.
Brodie: So you love them?
Gil: Yes. I mean no.
Brodie: Textbook closet case self-loather. Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality.

            Jay: Come son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod! Snootchie-bootchies. Ehehehehe!

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